By Elissa Strauss for The Jewish Daily Forward
Jewish
husband Jed Rubenfeld and in it she looks at the parenting practices of
six cultural groups who, she claims, create more successful people.
These include Indians, Chinese, Iranians, Lebanese-Americans, Nigerians,
Cuban Exiles, Mormons and, you got it, Jews.
Her thesis in “The
Triple Package” is that all these cultures have a competitive edge
because they impart on their children feelings of superiority,
insecurity and impulse control, which push their children to do better
in America than others in terms of income, test scores and occupational
status.
The book, which I haven’t read yet, has already ignited a
backlash from those who see a little too much overlap between Chua and
Rubenfeld’s superior cultural groups theory and the racist social
philosophy of eugenics. I too feel uncomfortable with the
essentialization of certain groups and am no fan of Jewish
exceptionalism, or how it can backfire, either.
Still, there is
one more thing that bugs me about this new book and it is the way Chua
and Rubenfeld have hijacked the Jewish mother stereotype.
Not
that I love stereotypes any more than I like the idea of making a list
of superior races, but if we are going to be trading in stereotypes
about Jewish mothers can we please go back to the old one because she is
so much more likeable.
“The Triple Package” mother sounds like a
cold and stern task-master who imparts upon her children a feeling of
inferiority, chosenness and discipline. Yuck. The stereotypical Jewish
mother is an endlessly doting, food-pushing, busy-body who wants their
child to succeed, but not if it takes them too far away or makes them
unhappy. She may not be the most open-minded woman, nor is she
necessarily calm under-pressure, but she can be relied on for love, and
unconditionally.
Of course most Jewish mothers are not either of
these, but if one stereotype about Jewish mothers is being promoted out
in the world I much prefer the loving one. And, for whatever its worth, I
imagine that that love and the sense of security it provides is a
factor in creating well-adjusted children, even if Chua and Rubenfeld
left it off the list.
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